Sunday, June 22, 2014

A Freebie, A Cheapie, A Retired Husband Joke.

 FREE—AND WORTH EVERY CENT!


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Ladies! Is Your Husband Driving You Crazy?

Is the husband you’re living with the man you married?  Or has he changed? And not for the better?
Is he too pooped to participate?
Does he get an “F” in foreplay?
Don’t give up. Get even.
Stop the ugly nagging.
Put an end to your anger, resentment and frustration.
Two sisters who managed to survive four husbands decided to do something about it.
Their creation, HUSBAND TRAINING SCHOOL, is dedicated to saving marriages—and the sanity of wives the world over.
WHERE OTHERS FAIL, HUSBAND TRAINING SCHOOL SUCCEEDS!



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$2.99 

Three fed-up wives—and only HUSBAND TRAINING SCHOOL stands between them and murder.

Tougher than Harvard and more demanding than MIT, Husband Training School is under the command and control of its founder, twice-divorced former Marine Drill Instructor Robin Aguirre.

Hardened by years of experience, Robin knows how to train men the Marine Corps way—tear them down and build them back up. She is confident she has seen and heard it all as she prepares to meet her new students.

Will Trailer is a super-achiever on the baseball diamond but at home? Not so much, according to his gorgeous movie star wife.
Efficiency expert Howard Hopkins has just retired. His wife married him for better and for worse—but not for 24-hours-a-day.
Gordo Canholme would procrastinate breathing if he could, but will he ever get the new baby’s room ready? Not without HTS, according to his very pregnant wife.


Robin thinks she is ready for anything the most hapless and hopeless husbands of the 21st Century can dish out.

But is she?



Retired Husband Joke.

After working for thirty years, Ed B. retires. His friend asks him what he's doing now.
"I'm my wife's sexual advisor," says Ed
Friend looks slightly shocked. "What do you mean by that?" asks the friend.
"Simple," Ed says. "My wife told me that when she wants my fucking advice, she'll ask for it."














Sunday, May 11, 2014

Fallout. Fireball. Fusion. Fission. F*cked up. FREE

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Fallout. Fireball. Fusion. Fission. F*cked up.

FREE

Coming Soon To NOOK!

CODENAME CHEROKEE
(A 1500 word excerpt from THE ATOMIC TIMES: My H-Bomb Year at the Pacific Proving Ground)

Cherokee was the second of 17 nuclear blasts in the 1956 United States H-bomb test series, Operation Redwing, conducted in the South Pacific. Cherokee was typical of what happened when over 1600 men (including me) became guinea pigs for the Department of Defense.  The unstated motto at the Pentagon was:  Everything that CAN go wrong WILL go wrong.

And it did. Cherokee was a prime example. 

THE ATOMIC TIMES was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize by its original hardcover publisher, Random House.

"THE ATOMIC TIMES is a gripping memoir of the first H-bomb tests by one of the small groups of young servicemen stationed at Ground Zero on Eniwetok Atoll.  Leavened by humor, loyalty and pride of accomplishment, this book is also a tribute to the resilience, courage and patriotism of the American soldier." --Henry Kissinger




Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Women of a certain age: Stylish and sexy? Or frumpy and dumpy? Go ahead. Guess.

Ralph Marino, at sixty, is handsomer and sexier than ever. Women of all ages notice Ralph, they swoon over him, they hit on him.

But what about Ralph's wife? Blake Weston is 56, the age when women become invisible.

  • No one listens to her even when she knows more about the subject under discussion than anyone else in the room.
  • Taxis don't stop for her.
  • Waiters ignore her.
  • Salespeople look through her even though, within reason, she can buy whatever she wants.

Is Blake happy about the situation? No way. Is she about to give up? Never.

I loved writing about Blake and Ralph, their relationship, and the deadly mystery they must work together to solve. Finding a cover image turned out to be, as they say in biz-speak, "a challenge." To put it mildly.

Since the story is told from Blake's point of view, I wanted her on the cover, front and center. I used search terms like "mature woman," "adult woman," "beautiful mature woman," "lovely adult woman," "attractive mature woman,"and here's what I got:


Inspiring, right? Grown-up women, the smart, savvy readers I write for, will love it, right? Because this is exactly what they look like and the way they see themselves, right?

Nope.

What I ended up using was a woman too young to be Blake but, after hours of searching, it was the best compromise I could come up with. :-(

I kept looking. And kept looking. Trudging my way from site to site. Wracking my brain for different search terms. Getting nowhere. Until—

At long last I finally found something I hadn't seen before: a sexy, stylish grown-up woman. Like my heroine. Like my readers.

So here she is, the beautiful mature woman—and the smart, savvy reader I write for—in all her glory:

  iBooks  |  iBooksCA  |  iBooksAU  |  iBooksNZ  |   Kobo  |  GooglePlay

BONUS EXCERPT:

A quick guide to the characters:
Julia, Blake's BFF from boarding school, has embraced Mindful Living and just made the switch from hetero to homo.
Barbara Salem is Julia's Pilates teacher and Wellness Facilitator.
Ralph is Blake's husband. They've been married for twenty-seven years. He's freaking out about turning sixty and has transformed himself via a strict diet and killer exercise regime.
Melanie is Melanie Bradshaw, a flak-jacket-weariing, gung ho war reporter and possessor of a spectacular pair of 36 Double D's.

Located on a quiet side street just off Sutton Place, the Lancaster Hotel was housed in an ivy-covered brick building that whispered of Washington Square and Henry James. It looked discreet, refined. Which it wasn’t. What it was, was a sleazy hideaway for cheaters.
As I approached the entrance, a white-gloved doorman in a dark green uniform with polished brass buttons opened the door for me. I entered a small lobby whose fresh flowers, period furniture and Oriental rugs reeked of old money, good breeding and illustrious family trees.
The illusion ended right there.
A comb-overed old galoot with his hand on the thigh of a women young enough to interest Donald Trump sat in one corner. Opposite was well-barbered forty-year-old in a $3,000 suit wearing a wedding ring and nibbling on the ear of a woman wearing a nightgown under a mink coat. The rest of the room was empty. All the other guests probably upstairs in their rooms screwing their brains out.
I made my way to the reception area, asked for the Spa, was told that it was located off the small passage that led from the foyer to the elevators.
I followed the direction and knocked on the door.
Barbara Salem presided over a tranquil area of blond wood, shoji screens, aromatherapy candles and a sound system playing Buddhist chants—according to Julia, an essential for those seeking enlightenment or, as she was currently calling it, samadhi.
Makeup-free except for lip balm and smelling of sandalwood, Barbara was wearing a t-shirt printed with a lotus flower, flowing black yoga pants and alterna-lifestyle-approved Birkenstocks.
She had a gentle smile and biceps like Mike Tyson. She welcomed me with the smile.
I took a deep breath, then I plunged in. “Julia said you might be able to help me. It’s about this man,” I said, extracting from my HBO tote a snapshot of Ralph taken the previous year. In the photo, the pre-Improved Ralph looked pale, tired and a bit pudgy. “I wonder if you’ve seen him here? He’s lost weight since this picture was taken. And replaced his glasses with contacts—”
She examined the picture and then handed it back. “That’s Mr. Piretta,” she said. Piretta was Ralph’s mother’s maiden name and I was (slightly) disappointed that Ralph, ex-detective, was so unimaginative. “He just rented a suite—”
”A suite?”
”For a month—”
“‘A month?’” I repeated, over the nauseating lump that had developed in my throat.
”He’s already moved in some clothes,” she said. ”Pants, a few shirts, some mini skirts—”
I almost choked. ”Mini skirts?”
She nodded. ”That’s what the maid told me,” she said. “He drops in every few days or so along with his guests—“
My mouth went dry. “Guests?”
She nodded. “Tough-looking guys,” she said. Ralph is into rough sex?, rough gay sex?, I wondered as Barbara went on. “Kids, too. They look like students. You know, jeans and t-shirts—”
“Boys?” I said, thinking of Julia’s late life sex switch as my stomach lurched greasily and dive bombed. “Girls?”
“Both,” she said. “Two or three at a time—”
I was speechless. Ralph was into threesomes and rough sex? Or was it group sex and orgies? More effective than goat’s milk yogurt for reviving a flagging libido, I supposed.
“Sometimes a woman joins them,“ Barbara said. She cupped her hands in front of her chest to indicate an Everest -sized pair of knockers. “If you want, I’ll let you know next time he checks in—”
“Please do,” I said, barely able to get the words out. I gave her my cell phone number and rose to leave. As I reached the door, I almost tripped over the Pilates machine in the corner. Between the adjustable metal bar, heavy-resistance springs and long leather straps, it looked like something left over from the Spanish Inquisition.
“I’d probably kill myself on that thing,” I said, trying to regain my balance.
“Don’t worry,” she smiled, extending a helpful hand. “We haven’t lost anyone yet—”
Yet,” I said and we laughed.
Or, I should say, she laughed. I was thinking of kinky threesomes and group sex, of orgies and mini skirts, of Melanie, her Mammoth Mammaries and her Raunchy Red lipstick.
I managed to make it to the office without puking.
And wondered what godawful catastrophe Fate had in store for me next.










Sunday, March 30, 2014

8 Tips For Writing A Killer Blurb

In another life, I wrote paperback blurbs, probably thousands of them over several decades. Back in TradPub days, blurbs had to be short (paperbacks only have so much space on those covers) but comparing the reader who’s browsing in a bookstore to the person who’s surfing the net is the difference between a leisurely stroll and NASA rocket flight.

You'll find my current thinking about blurbs + hints, advice, links and news of a big sale over at Anne R. Allen's.

See you there!


Sunday, March 9, 2014

Big sale! And, yes, I'm pimping a book. :-)


Big sale right now on LOVE AND MONEY.
Now 99c. Usually $4.99 so you could definitely do worse.

 Find a copy at all the usual suspects: Kindle, KindleUK, KindleCa, Nook, NookUK, Kobo, iBooks, Google Play.

Lots and lots of good reviews:

“AN IDEAL BOOK…RUTH HARRIS HAS DONE A MIRACULOUS JOB OF ENTWINING THE LIVES OF TWO WOMEN IN A TOTALLY BELIEVABLE AND FASCINATING WAY.
“A page-turner…Plausible and entertaining, Love And Money reads fast and the time frames ring true.  Harris doesn’t miss a trick, her characters are often shaped by circumstances…and her characters change, as do the years.  Ruth Harris is a talented writer who has come up with a novel so entertaining and interesting you won’t have to hide if someone asks you what you’re reading.” —West Coast Review of Books


“FAST-PACED, SUPERIOR FICTION WITH A ZINGING SENSE OF STYLE.
“A skillfully written, highly commercial “page-turner” LOVE AND MONEY is also a series of carefully drawn character studies, insightful psychological portraits of people driven by the need for love, the hunger for money and the fear of death. 
“LOVE AND MONEY focuses on three major characters.  Deedee Dahlen is a million dollar heiress, ‘born late, as if she knew ahead of time how complicated her life was going to be and needed all the time she could get to prepare for coping with its difficulties.’
“Lana Bantry, Deedee’s illegitimate sister, was born ‘six weeks prematurely, as if she couldn’t wait to get out into the world and take charge.’
“Slash Steiner — he invented the name because he thought the word sounded ‘invincible, invulnerable and unconquerable’ — a ‘man from nowhere who makes it big and becomes Deedee’s husband and Lana’s lover and business partner.
“Harris makes these characters and the joys and tragedies of their lives exciting and believable.  With a narrative style that is crisply precise and descriptive, an unerring ear for dialogue and an overall tone that is strongly reminiscent of Susan Isaacs, Harris has written a terrifically satisfying ‘good read.’” —Fort Lauderdale News Sun-Sentinel


“WELL-WRITTEN.  FAST-PACED AND DIVERTING.” Library Journal

“A SPECTACULAR, RICHLY PLOTTED NOVEL
“Racing to a shocking climax, this glittering novel is first-class entertainment…a story of love and money, and how both are made, lost, and found again.” —NY Times Book Review 

“A powerful contemporary novel of…passions, jealousies and secrets…Love and money.  Ultimately they seemed to be all anyone really understood.” —Michael Joseph

LOVE AND MONEY featured on Bookbub and  Kindle books and tips




Saturday, February 22, 2014

Notebooks (Part II)

There are notebooks on my night table, in the kitchen, on the dining room table, in the living room, my office (obviously!) and in my purse. There is even a notebook in the bathroom for those nights I wake with a "brilliant" idea I absolutely have to write down. By flashlight. So as not to disturb my DH who already knows all too much about what it's like to live with a writer.

I'm always on the lookout for new notebooks. (You'll find my first notebook post here.) These are the latest additions to my delightful, never-ending quest:

Castelli Notebook

Made in Italy with Italian style.
Muji Notebooks

Stylish and inexpensive, Muji notebooks are an everyday necessity.

InkJournal

For the notebook and caffeine-addicted! 
Made in Portland, OR, USA.
Stillman & Birn

High-quality sketchbooks because sometimes I have to draw a scene
before I can write it. I bet I'm not the only one!


Smythson

This va-va-voom pink notebook is from Smythson, the elegant and pricey English stationer.







Thursday, February 6, 2014

Know the difference between the edge jumps and toe jumps? The flip, loop, toe loop, salchow, lutz and axel—a gif guide to jumps—in figure skating.


2010 olympic gold medalist Kim Yu-Na performs her textbook Lutz

The lutz, loop, toe loop, Salchow and axel explained.

Figure skating is the sport I loved as a kid. I spent a few summers on the ice in Lake Placid working on my spins and jumps and getting better and better although not nearly as good as I wanted to be. Still, skating is the sport I know most about and, as the Olympics gets under way, I thought some of you would enjoy this excellent gif guide to the jumps.


MICHAEL AND THE BEATLES!

Michael's memoir about his days on the Ed Sullivan show and meeting the Beatles on their first trip to the U.S. is on sale now—99c reduced from its normal $4.99. So if you like celebs and inside showbiz gossip, now's the chance to snap it up cheap!

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